Sunday, September 26, 2004

departure and rebirth

Well, it's time for me to move hosting locations. I decided to take the plunge, and arranged for my own webspace. Future posts can be found at www.letterstoanangel.com. My angel helped me design the new site, and I hope you all like it. I've copied all the existing posts over to the new site, so new readers will be able to see the history, but all new posts will be made to the new site.

Hope to see you there,

Neko

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

passion and delight

Dear angel,

Have I told you lately that you look lovely in rope?

Our last encounter has been playing through my mind all morning long, and I keep flashing back to the look on your face when I tied you to the bed. It was a lovely combination of lust, concern, and anticipation.

Of course, this is the exact expression I was trying to invoke, so it was immensely gratifying. Every time I tie you up, your imagination begins working overtime, going through all the different things that I could do to you.

When I tie you on your back, I know that you start thinking of ways I'll tease your lovely breasts. You moan and squirm when I take your nipples into my mouth. I love the way your pussy grinds against me when I sit above you, gently touching you, driving you crazy. I can see in your eyes that you need my touch, that you need to be taken, RIGHT NOW - and I chuckle as I take my time.

When I tie your hands behind your back, I can see you start to get excited right away. You start thinking about being spanked, and about being teased without being able to touch me. When I push you onto the bed, when I start hitting your lovely ass, I can hear the excitement in your voice, and I stretch the moment out. Will I spank you with my hand? Will I get "The Paddle", or will I get that lovely flogger we bought together? Will I strike you hard, or HARD? And I watch as these emotions play over your face, and chuckle as you twitch in anticipation every time I touch you.

And then, when I start to spank you, your cheeks get that lovely shade of red. And they get SO sensitive to the touch afterwards. It's fascinating to see you get all swollen and wet as I spank you. You have such an amazing reaction when you're helpless and being spanked or flogged. It's very satisfying - not to mention arousing - to see that you're enjoying yourself, even when you're crying out in pain.

And afterwards, taking you finally, after all the buildup. Taking you hard, and fast, and hearing you cry out, and beg and plead as I pump my cock into you. I watch your face as I do all of this, and I love seeing the joy there, seeing the satisfaction as I fill you up. Watching as panic rushes across your face when I pause and make you beg me to continue. Watching the relief flood your eyes when I continue.

And afterwards, holding you in my arms, feeling you shudder as the aftershocks race through your body. Laughing at how shy you get over what you just did with me. Hearing your astonishment that I make you feel so wonderful. Feeling the heat of your skin against mine, as we both recover. Whispering naughty things into your ear as I hold you, and feeling you push against me in excitement.

There are so many ways that you make me happy, angel. Every day I thank the stars that I found you. Every day, I try to give back just as much joy.

Much love,

Neko

Thursday, September 16, 2004

perspective and improvisation

Dear angel,

It's always fun to take a walk through a department store now. For some reason, since I met you, I've been seeing the bondage possibilities of a surprising number of everyday things.

For example, walking through the tool department gets me considering the nefarious uses of clamps, bungee cords and rope. Small portable workbenches give me ideas of things to tie you to. Lumber and other building supplies start me thinking of furniture designs for bondage play.

Walking through the home decorating area shows me brushes, sponges, and soft cloths for sensation play, and paints for messy play.

The electronic entertainment area shows me large screen TVs, hand held video cameras, and digital still cameras.

The food aisle gives us chocolate sauce, cherries, bananas, grapes, and more. Messy, delicious, AND sensual.

The kitchen area gives us scissors, knives (for clothing - calm down!), wooden spoons, cutting boards, tea towels, counters, and tables.

In the men's department, we find belts and ties for bondage.

In the women's department, we find knee highs, lingerie, and short skirts.

The shoe department gives us high heels, in various styles and heights, mules, and sandals. Oh, and those little stools that the clerks sit on have possibilities too.

Furniture stores show us the amazing range of things to tie you to. Couches, futons, beds, desks, tables, chairs, coatracks, ottomans, and more are displayed for my lacivious imagination to use.

Bed and bath areas are no better - I see these departments and my imagination goes wild. Towels, shower heads, jacuzzis and towel racks in the bathroom. Sheets, both cotton and satin, let alone silk, capture my imagination, along with various beds.

In the lighting department, I'm fascinated by the possibilities. Imagining you, bound and helpless, under a variety of different lighting conditions. Would that spotlight alone be bright enough to make you feel watched? Would that set of track lights illuminate the area enough to make you feel more exposed? Would that mood lighting be dim enough to encourage your inner slut?

Yes, angel, I'm afraid that my mind tends to get preoccupied more and more as I spend time with you. It's a good thing that I'm good at multitasking, isn't it?

Neko

Saturday, September 04, 2004

separation and passion

Dear angel,

Separation sucks. I know, I know - you have to be there. I know you have to be there, and I want you to be there. But I miss you already. You're only gone one day, and already I wish you could come home and be with me.

It's quite amazing to me that you generate this kind of passion from me. I thought, after the events of the past few years, that I wouldn't feel this kind of passion again. But every time I talk to you, every time we're together, the flame is kindled higher.

Sometimes, it comes out as teasing. Our constant battle of wits is one of the things that both causes the passion, and expresses it. When we're deep in conversation, I find myself going out of my way to tease you and get you flustered. It's a game for me - see how quickly I can get angel groaning at a pun, or find out how red I can make you blush.

Sometimes, it shows in the way I look at you. When we're snuggled on the couch, and you look up at me with your beautiful eyes, I feel the passion. When you look up at me with lust burning in your eyes, I feel the passion. When your eyes plead with me because you can't... quite... reach my cock from your bound position on the bed, I feel the passion.

Other times, I know that you can feel it in my touch. When I pull your hair as I kiss you. When I hold you down and tease you with my mouth and cock. When I run my hand down your back while we walk down the street, and when I put my hand on the back of your head when we stand in line for a movie, I know you can feel the passion in my heart.

I've been blessed in many ways in my life, angel, but the day I met you was a special kind of blessing. You make so many things in my life better, and I do my best to show that to you.

I miss you, angel, and I hope you take care of yourself while you're gone.

Love,
Neko

Saturday, August 28, 2004

time and surprise

Dearest angel,

It's been a wonderful two months, hasn't it? I don't know how it happened - not exactly - but somehow, you've become quite entangled in my life. Somehow, you're always with me. In the car, listening to the radio, I catch myself wanting to sing along to a song with you. In a store, I'll see something you'd like, and wish you were there so I could show you, and see you smile.

It happened quite quickly, really. From our first date, I knew that you were special. We meshed so quickly, so completely, that I got nervous. We all have baggage, and mine is still in the process of being packed, but I didn't care. I wanted more. I wanted to talk to you day and night. I wanted to touch you. I wanted to wrap you in my arms, and make you feel safe.

That's a dangerous feeling for someone like me. You see, I've made enough mistakes in my life to know that I can't really protect someone and still care about them the same way. I have to give them enough room to make their own mistakes. I have to make them stand on their own, even when it would be easier to let them lean on me, or let me fix something for them. And somehow, I knew that you knew that too. You stood on your own, and you liked it.

And still, with all that independence, strength and competence, you glow when I tease you. You purr when I take you. Your heart beats faster, and your breathing quickens when you're helpless before me. You blush when I tell you what to do. And your voice catches in your throat when I make you ask for more. You love the games I play, and you want to play some games of your own. You want to be mine, in all the different ways that the word can be taken. You've taken my collar, and you're still a brat, still fiesty and strong.

And still, you think I'm wonderful. You tell me how you feel, you tell me that I make you happy, and you tell me that I make you feel safe. You tell me how special I make you feel, and how special I am to you.

I know you're scared, angel. I know that there's a lot for each of us to deal with, but I'm not afraid. I know how you feel about me. I know how I feel about you. There are words that dance in the back of my head every time I talk to you. They keep demanding that I shout them out to the world, but they'll stay where they are for now. I'll keep them to myself until I know you're ready to hear them. But they are there, nonetheless.

Thank you so very much for the last two months, angel. I hope we have many, many more ahead of us.

Neko

Sunday, August 22, 2004

skills and characteristics

Dear angel,

As you know, I think about us a lot. There is so much to learn in this world, and the more I learn, the more I find that I need to know. When I'm with you, angel, I strive to be the best Dom that I know how to be. So far, it seems to be working. But I've found myself thinking about what it takes to be a Dom, and I've compiled a little list.

No doubt that this list is incomplete. There are probably things that should be added to it. There may be things on it that aren't as important to others as they are to me. Nonetheless, here are some things that I feel are important in my role as your Dom.

Tying Knots

As a bare minimum, a Dom needs to know a few basic knots. A Dom should know:

  • how to tie a reef knot
  • how to tie a bowline
  • how to tie a handcuff knot
  • know when to use each knot
  • know how to *untie* each knot
  • know how tight to tie each knot


Tying the submissive

There are different reasons for tying up a sub. For each different reason, there is a different method. A Dom should know:

  • how to tie her for teasing
  • how to tie her for spanking
  • how to tie her for flogging
  • how to tie her for display
  • how to tie her for taking
  • how to hogtie his girl
  • how to tie his girl to the bed


The Toy Bag.

All toys must be stored in a proper fashion. For us, the toy bag is where we store all our various accessories. A Dom should:

  • take care of the rope and ensure that the ends are not frayed, and the rope has no weak spots or nicks.
  • store the rope properly for quick and easy use.
  • take care of the leather, ensuring that it is cleaned properly so that it will last a long time.
  • take care of the toys, both "active" and "passive", to ensure that they are safe, clean, and still effective.
  • ensure that there is an adequate supply of batteries for the toys.



Teasing

You know that I love to tease, angel. I find that teasing is an integral part of our relationship, and as such, there are some things that I need to know how to do. I have to know:

  • how to tease with my words
  • how to tease with my touch
  • how to touch lightly
  • how to pinch to get your attention
  • where to touch you to make you crazy
  • when to touch you to make you crazy
  • when NOT to touch you... to make you crazy
  • your favourite positions
  • your favourite activities
  • your least favourite activities


Percussion

I *know* how you love to be spanked, angel. I know that the feeling of my hand on your ass turns you on. As your Dom I must know:

  • how to spank hard enough to arouse you
  • how to spank hard enough to sting
  • how to spank hard enough to hurt
  • how to swing a crop to get her attention
  • how to swing a crop to hurt
  • how to swing a flogger well, hitting at *just* the right spot
  • know when each is appropriate


Knowing my sub

This is more than just play, angel. You have taken a place in my heart, and I want to be your partner, and I want you to be mine. To ensure this, I have to:

  • listen to you, for listening leads to learning
  • make you talk to you about your feelings and fantasies
  • tell you about my fantasies and plans
  • clearly communicate my wishes to you
  • put himself in your shoes, so that I understand you better
  • know why you want to submit
  • know why I want to dominate
  • know why I want to dominate *you*


Maintaining the relationship

Like all relationships, there are aspects of give and take. In our relationship, I have to:

  • know when to press you
  • know when to take control
  • know when to back off
  • know that it's okay to back off
  • how to make you blush
  • how to make you squirm
  • how to make you beg
  • how to make you whimper
  • how to make you feel safe
  • how to take care of you after play is done


Protecting my sub

There will be times when you will find yourself beset with troubles, angel. Sometimes these troubles will be inflicted by others, sometimes they will be caused by your own actions. I have to:

  • know how to stand up for you
  • know how to stand up for myself
  • know how to stand up for us both
  • know how to stand up to you, because you love being a brat, and I love that you are a brat.
  • know when you need to be taken
  • know when you need to be convinced


Dynamics

The relationship between a Dom and his sub is like any other relationship, only more so. There are equal parts indulgence and discipline. Control is given and taken at different times. As a Dom, I must:

  • be decisive - I can't let things hang between us. I have to make a decision and move on
  • ask questions - remember that none of us are born with all the answers
  • be adaptable - I have to deal with what life hands me in whatever way I can
  • be creative - find new ways to tease you, to make you squirm
  • pay attention to you - in and out of the bedroom
  • let you please me - you want to give to me and see my pleasure
  • let you serve me - it's an extension of pleasing me
  • help you understand yourself - both kinky and non-kinky aspects
  • help you understand me - both kinky and non-kinky aspects


As I said, angel, there are probably more things that I could add. I know there are probably some that I *should* add. But this list is some of what I'm thinking about when I'm not with you. These are some of the ways that I try to ensure that we stay together for a long time.

I know I'm looking forward to it.

Neko





Monday, August 16, 2004

assignments and punishments

My darling, silly angel.

Right now, you're rattling around the kitchen, making lunch for us and enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon with me. But I'm sitting here thinking about another time, an evening we had together.

You'd forgotten to do an assignment for me, and you had to be punished for it. I didn't want to punish you, darling. I don't like it when I have to correct your behaviour, but you'd failed to complete your second assignement in a row. I gave you a pass on the first one, because you *have* been really busy at work for a while now. But when you didn't do the writing I'd told you to do, I knew that I had to get you back in line.

I remember how your face looked when I asked you if your assignment was done. How your eyes dropped to look in my lap, instead of looking at my face. How your entire body tensed, like you were waiting for me to be angry or yell. But I would never yell at you, angel. No, I was not angry, I was disappointed.

You may be surprised, angel, that I was disappointed in myself. Had I not made it clear that I expected you to do the assignment before I arrived that night? Did I give you the impression that I didn't have to be listened to? Did you think I just liked all the kinky things we did in the bedroom? These thoughts and more went through my mind, as I told you what your punishment was to be.

That downcast look on your face as you went to your punishment was a reproach to me. I had to make sure you kept your promises to me, and I had to make sure you remembered the consequences for forgetting. That's one of the wonderful things about our relationship. The clarity.

We both know who's in charge. Me. I have permission, even an obligation, to decide things for both of us. I don't have to dance around, wondering if you'll get pissed for me being decisive. You don't have to wonder what I'll think of you for giving in. You don't have to wonder if you've gone too far, because you know that I'll emphatically show you when you do. You have the same permission/obligation to submit as I have to dominate. I will make you do what pleases me. You get to do things that you'd never let yourself do to a vanilla boyfriend. (Things that you've always fantasized about, right angel? Things that have kept you awake, long into the night. Things that society and feminists say you shouldn't want.) There's a clarity in our relationship that I treasure. It simplifies so much, and it allows us to step past the politeness, past the dance of social norms, and get right to a deeper, more honest intimacy.

And I wasn't doing it right.

So, angel, when I bent you over the bed, I was actually trying to make up to you. When I used the crop on you, and made you cry out in pain, I was in pain too. When I held you afterwards, and let you feel sad, I felt sad, and protective, and close to you.

And when it was done, it was done and gone. There was no lingering resentment. There were no muttered comments expressing my frustration with you. I know that you wanted to please me. I know that you were unhappy with yourself. And I know that I forgave you. I hope that you forgave yourself, angel.

That's why I'm writing this, I guess. To tell you what I've been thinking about that night. I promise to not let you down, angel. I will keep you safe, I will keep guiding you, and I will keep pushing you toward being the person you want to be. That's my role. That's my obligation. That's my joy.

Neko

Thursday, August 12, 2004

origins and destinations

Dearest angel,

I sit here, waiting for you to finish your work, and I find myself pondering the ways in which I find myself here. Not in the bookstore, where I've just bought 2 magazines while waiting, but here at this point in my life. To quote the Grateful Dead - "What a long strange road it's been".

In high school, I was the quintessential nice guy. Friend to all the girls, wary of all the guys. I didn't make many friends, and ended up watching the girls I knew go through the throes of romance. Time and again, I'd see them go out with other guys, only to either be treated badly, or to find no satisfaction in their choice of the month. Somehow, I was never given serious consideration. So, when I met my future wife, things moved quickly.

I vividly remember the first blatently kinky picture I ever saw. It was in a Penthouse magazine that I'd found hidden in the basement. My father had obviously hidden it there, along with a cache of other "men's magazines" like Playboy and Topper. The picture was of a lovely young woman, lying back on a bed, with a rope tied around one wrist. Her other wrist, and ankles were off-camera, but her limbs were positioned to suggest that they were also bound. The expression on her face was a mixture of wanton arousal and defiance.

The picture had an electric effect on me. I remember thinking about the woman, and wondering what the photo shoot had been like. I wondered, endlessly, if she actually had been tied to a bed, as was suggested by the photo. What was it like for her, to lie there, helpless, while a man took photographs of her? Did she enjoy herself? Did he enjoy himself? Who did the tying? And how many people were at the photoshoot?

Of course, I had more personal thoughts as well. I wondered what it would be like to have a woman tied like that in front of me. I wondered what she would do if I started touching her, teasing her. This was a natural train of thought for a frustrated, shy teenager. Instead of finding it within myself to talk to a girl my own age with romantic intent, I fantasized about removing the choice from a beautiful girl, and showing her exactly what she had been missing by not considering me as a potential partner.

When my marriage ended, I faced a clean slate, more or less. I was sexually experienced, and I'd spent the better part of a decade supressing my fantasies of bondage and more. In my newly single state, I had an opportunity to make a different choice.

I wonder if a casual reader of these letters can appreciate the precipice I looked over at that point. On the one hand, I had a wealth of experience in a (mostly) vanilla marriage. I'd had many heart to heart talks with my ex-wife during the period before our marriage fell apart. During these talks, I learned that in her opinion I was a despicable pervert, not fit to be left alone with his daughter. Imagine my surprise at finding this out about myself. Especially since it was completely wrong.

On the other hand, I had the opinions of other people in my life, from close friends to medical professionals, who told me that my interests and fantasies were either normal, or at least not exceptional. I had to choose between denying an interest that was deeper than I'd realized, or indulging in behaviour that would scandalize many of my friends and most of my family, should they ever learn of it.

I decided to do some reading, and find out who else was out there, and what kind of things they were interested in. Thank god for the internet, eh? I started reading newsgroups, starting with soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm. I'd been reading stories in the newsgroups for years, but this was different. This was messages written by people in real relationships, trying to figure out the same things as I was trying figure out. Reading the messages posted there, by men and women, Dominant and submissive, helped me to feel that I wasn't so strange. Of course, you get to wade through a lot of crap trying to read the newsgroups now, thanks to spam, but there was a lot of good information there.

Fortified by the knowledge I'd read there, especially in the FAQ file composed by helpful people in the group, I ventured back into the world of dating. After going out with a few different women, trying to get a feel for what it was like for people in my situation, I found a partner that seemed to be a good fit.

We'd been dating for a while, and things were progressing in a pleasant direction, when she asked me if I had any "other" interests. Crossing my fingers, I told her about my interest in bondage, and waited for her to pull back, if not to go screaming into the night. I was surprised, and pleased, when she told me that she'd always been interested in it, but never tried it. A lot of baggage was cleared up in the next few months, for both of us, and we had a lot of fun experiences.

These days, it's a lot easier to get information on BDSM and the various kinks associated with it. It's a lot easier to meet people with similar intersts, too. A few months ago, just before I met you, my darling angel, I started chatting with a woman that I'd met on LavaLife. Now, I know that a lot of kinky people are somewhat disdainful of LavaLife, but I think it's a good place to meet people. Odds are that the people you meet there aren't going to be too far from "the mainstream". Although I'm kinky, I have no interest in sharing my sexuality with everyone I meet. KV had written in her profile that she was interested in being sexually submissive, and I was asking her about what kind of things she'd tried before.

It turned out that she had no real experience with submission, and was feeling a little uncomfortable about the whole idea. She was definitely interested in it, but she was conflicted by the idea. In her day to day life, she's a professional, having to make decisions and direct other people from the time she starts work in the morning, till the time she stops at night. The idea of being submissive, of being told what to do, of being forced to stop and enjoy herself, because she had no other choice, was immensely appealing to her. But the idea that as a modern woman, she should be respected, be in control of herself, of her body, and not be treated as a sex object was in conflict with these interests.

During one of our phone calls, I had KV go look at the Bondage.com and directed her to a number of different places on the site. Bondage.com is a wonderful resource for the kinky adult. It has a good collection of stories, a wonderful gallery of photos, and best of all, it puts you in touch with other kinky people. KV was intrigued, to say the least, and I had her set up a submissive profile on the site.

I directed KV to look at a number of different sites over the next few weeks, and gradually, I could see her becoming much more comfortable with the idea that she had a kinky streak. I was enjoying myself, of course, because the whole process was like an extended seduction. She would ask me questions, and I'd either answer immediately, or direct her to a website after a short search. I'd describe something to her, and listen to her reaction. I introduced her to different activities, and listened to her as she struggled with the conflict between her sensibilities, and her attraction.

Three things happened along the way, however, that changed the relationship between us. First, I came to view her as a student - someone to help and guide, but not someone to seduce. Second, she realized that while the idea of being submissive was intriguing, the idea of being dominant was much more attractive. And third, I met you, my darling angel, and all thoughts of being with anyone else seemed to pale.

So now, according to KV, I've created a monster. She's created a dominant profile on Bondage.com, she's gone out on dates with submissive men, and she's happier and more comfortable with her sexuality. I still talk to her, because along the way, she's become a friend. But I've only got eyes for you, angel. Eyes, and rope, and cuffs, and other toys.

I'm incredibly lucky to have found you, angel. I miss you and I look forward to being with you again very soon.

Neko

Sunday, August 08, 2004

hunger and surprise

Dear angel,

I was very pleased with you when I arrived at your apartment. You were waiting for me, wearing your collar as directed. A hunger filled me that day, and you'd been warned.

What were you expecting when you opened the door? Did you think that I'd come in and do the usual greetings? Were you surprised when I immediately pulled you to me and kissed you deeply? Were you shocked when my fingers probed your pussy immediately?

You offered no resistance when I ordered you to put your hands on the couch. I could feel your excitement as I pulled your miniskirt up over your hips. Roughly, I pushed your legs apart, and inspected your naked cunt. One finger, then another I pushed inside you. The glass of water that you'd thoughtfully put out for me provided an opportunity I couldn't pass up.

Your gasp as the icecube touched your thigh was very gratifying. I ran that ice cube up and down your thighs, hearing you whimper and watching you wriggle involuntarily. I was so pleased that you didn't try to get away. You merely whimpered as I held the cold to your skin. And when I lightly brushed it over your pussy, you jumped, didn't you?

But the hunger demanded heat, not cold, that night. When I released you, I saw lust and excitement in your eyes. You retrieved the toy bag, and followed me into the bedroom as ordered.

Once there, I took the cuffs from your dresser drawer. They were metal, with leather lining, and they fit so nicely around your wrists. Snug, but not too tight. As I closed the brass locks, I could feel something different between us. Did you feel more helpless because of the locks? It's a different feeling than when I tie you up. Somehow, it's more serious, isn't it?

I took your top off, and chained your hands behind your back. I usually prefer using rope over chain, but the chain complemented your cuffs so nicely. Once I blindfolded you, you had no option but to stand there quietly, waiting for my next move. I looked at you, so eager for my touch. Your mouth was open, and you were breathing heavily already. Your nipples were already hard. I reached down, and pushed your legs apart and moved behind you.

You jumped when you my hands found your nipples. I took them between my fingers, and gently squeezed them, while cupping your breasts. You moaned, and leaned back against me, grinding your hips against my cock. My darling angel, I wanted you so badly. But I was far from finished preparing you.

Once the leather cuffs were around your angles, I stood back, and got out the riding crop. As I gently ran the tip of the crop along the flesh of your legs, I could see you tensing. As I ran the crop up your calf, and thigh, I could see the uncertainty on your face. I gave your thigh a little taste of the crop, just enough to keep your attention. I could see you concentrating on where the crop would strike next, while I removed my pants. Quietly, I took them off and place them out of the way.

A sharp tap of the crop on your belly kept you focussed. When the tip of the crop moved across your breasts, your breathing quickened. Did you know that you did that? Your breasts are so sensitive, aren't they, angel? You can feel every little touch, no matter how light. What were you thinking as the tip of the crop moved towards your nipples? Were you afraid that I'd strike the nipples with the crop? Did that excite you? Or were you hoping that I'd do just that? Your face was a study in conflicting emotions.

On the other hand, I was clear with what I wanted to do. I struck each breast once, lightly, and moved the crop up to your face. I ran
the tip across your cheeks, under your chin, then across your lips.

"Kiss it, angel", I told you. You kissed the tip of the crop, and I ran it down between your breasts, down to your pussy. One small tap there, and then I struck your thighs with it, hard. One stroke, then another, and I removed my shirt while you were distracted. I hooked my fingers in your collar, and pulled your face to mine. Deeply, I kissed you. Your mouth opened, hungry for me, and I probed your mouth with my tongue.

I let you go, and retrieved a feather from the black bag. Lightly, I touched your breasts with it. Your gasps were quite gratifying. The contrast between the pain of the crop and the tickle of the feather must have been interesting. Across your breasts, underneath them, across the skin of your neck, and you were twitching and wriggling. You were almost ready for me. I removed my underwear while you were distracted this time. I slid your miniskirt down your hips, and then pulled you close to me.

The feel of my skin on yours was surprising, wasn't it? The feel of my hard cock against your belly, and my hands on your hips, pulling you close to me. Kisses on your neck, kisses on your lips, kisses on your breasts - it must have been disorienting. But your reaction told me how much you were enjoying yourself.

Neko

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

qualities and attributes

Dear angel,

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. As you know, due to circumstances, it's about all that I've been able to do. I've been thinking, and cataloging all of the things about you that I find wonderful. Here is a short sampling that list.

You have a quick mind, and a wit to match. Have I told you lately how much I enjoy talking with you? Whether we're trading quips and zingers, or sharing experiences and fantasies, your mind works like quicksilver, flowing from one topic to the next. Our conversations flit from topic to topic, from serious to silly. And in these conversations, you understand my stories, my jokes, and my puns without explanation, following the flow effortlessly.

You are a strong, independent woman. I don't have to worry about you not being able to do something without me. I don't feel that I'm needed in your life. God save me from being needed. I'd much rather be wanted than needed. You are more than capable of fixing things in your apartment, or standing on your own during troubled times. Yes, you are willing to lean on me when I offer a shoulder, but I know that you can handle your own life on your own.

Your eyes are mesmerizing. They are so expressive, and so beautiful. When you look at me in a certain way, the hunger fills me and I'm driven to take you right then and there. Sometimes it happens when we've just kissed, and you are tentatively looking up at me. Sometimes, it's when you blush, and look over at me with lust and embarassment.

Your breasts are so beautiful, and so sensitive. I love to look at them, and to touch them. I love to touch them all over, whether it be at the oh-so-sensitive nipples, or on the soft skin underneath them. I love to kiss your breasts, and suck on your nipples. I long to suckle on them while you writhe beneath me, bound and helpless.

Your brattiness delights me. The way that you tease me, the way that you call me a pain in the ass. They way you groan at my jokes, and the way that you metaphorically stamp your foot to try to get your own way. I love the battle of words and wits that seems to arise so often, and the way that you react when I've had enough and put you over my knee for a spanking. There's nothing so appealing as a brat who's just been put back into her place.

I love the contradiction of your shyness with me. The way that you can't quite bring yourself to say things plainly with me. The way that you'll skirt around certain topics and subjects. And the way that you react when I order you to speak plainly. It's like I'm constantly seducing you, constantly teaching you how to talk about these things. Especially since I *know* that you have no difficulty in talking about these things with other people in your life.

Your trust honours me. This is a powerful aspect of our relationship. You trust me with yourself. To tease you, to punish you, and to please you. You trust me to take control of an encounter. You trust me to listen for your safeword, confident that I'll listen (which I, of course, always will). You trust me enough to let me suggest new things to try.

I am constantly pleased by your curiousity. Curiousity about your body, about your reactions to my tender ministrations. Curiousity about my body, and how I'll react to yours. Curiousity about the world. Curiousity about people. You share such a thirst for knowledge with me. I want to teach you about things, and learn things from you. I want to explore so many things with you, angel. Curiousity may have killed the cat, but it's a wonderful aphrodisiac to me.

You have such a spankable ass, too. It's so wonderfully shaped, and even more wonderfully responsive to the palm of my hand. When I spank you, you wriggle it from side to side, but never try to escape. And when I'm finished, it has such a wonderful, rosy glow to it. We still have to perform a serious experiment with the crop, don't we, angel? I wonder if your ass will react the same way to the crop that it does the the palm of my hand. And when I get that wonderful deerskin flogger that we were looking at, will you be quite as eager to offer your ass to me?

And finally (for now), your eagerness to please me has a powerful effect on me. You are constantly trying to balance the desire to be told what to do with the desire to do things that will please me. I'm truly honoured that you choose to try to make me happy, angel. It is a gift to me that I do my best to give back to you in return. Whether it's getting me a drink, or helping me with my website, or coming over to help me when I'm sick, you offer your time, your care, and your attention to me without hesitation. I want you to know that it is very much noticed, and very much appreciated, angel.

It's been too long since we were together, angel. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, and showing you how I feel about you. Till then, I hope that my words here will suffice.

Neko.

Friday, July 30, 2004

public and private

My darling angel,

It's been a while since my last letter, but as you know, life has a way of interfering with our plans.  I miss you, angel, and think of being with you constantly. I know things are chaotic in both our lives right now, but don't worry - this will pass.  And when things settle down, I want to spend an entire weekend with you, just talking, touching, and playing. 

We'll start off on the Friday night, having dinner and seeing a movie.  I'll tell you to wear a skirt and no panties, and I'll be doing my best to distract you. 

I'll make naughty suggestions during dinner, and watch you blush.  I'll run my foot up your calf and thigh under the tablecloth, and make you move your knees apart during dinner.  And you'll start to get excited.  When the waitress leaves after bringing our dinner, I'll start asking you questions about what you're feeling, and make you tell me.  You love to be forced to express your lust, don't you angel?  You get so embarrassed, but it turns you on so much.  After dinner, we'll walk to the theater, and I'll put my hand on your ass as we walk, making sure that I don't feel any panty lines.

Once the movie starts, I'll periodically touch your arm in the darkness.  The touch will be gentle, just enough so that you can feel the fingertips on your skin.  I'll watch your face as I do this, to see you close your eyes in reaction.  I'll lean over and whisper to you.  Whisper things that I want to do to you in the theater.  I'll tell you how I want to make you suck my cock, how I want to tie you up on your bed and tease you.  How I want to spank your lovely ass, with my hand, with the crop, or with the flogger.

I'll put my hand on your thigh, and move my fingers on the sensitive flesh there.  What will you do, angel?  Will you close your thighs around my fingers?  Or will you open your legs to allow me more access?  Will my hand move higher?  or will it stay where it is, teasing and tickling you?  I'll eventually move my fingers higher, and feel your wetness.  You will be wet, won't you?  You want me to tease you in public.  That's why you enjoy these letters so much, isn't it?
After the movie, we'll walk back to your place.  You'll be wet, and excited, on the trip home.  I'll walk slowly, window shopping.  I'll tease you, too, angel.  I'll tell you things I want you to do, and things I want to do to you.  I'll hold your hand, or put my arm around your shoulder, and hold you close to me.  I'll lift your chin and deeply kiss you, making sure that you know that I'm teasing you.

And once we're alone in the elevator, I'll push you up against the wall, and kiss you deeply.  My hands will reach under your skirt, and I'll play with your pussy as we go higher and higher in the building.  Will your breathing be a little ragged, angel?  Will you struggle when I start to reach for your skirt?  It doesn't matter, does it?  You want me to do this - you want to be touched, intimately, in a public place.

And once we return to the apartment, I'll put your collar on you, and continue the teasing.  I'll lift up your skirt, and start stroking your ass with my fingers.  Teasingly running them from your ankles to your pussy, and up across your ass.  Then down the other side, and back up again.  Each time, I'll reach between your legs, and insert a finger into your moistened pussy.
You'll whimper, won't you, angel?  You'll be standing there, in your living room, holding your skirt up, and whimpering.  You'll want more than this,  you'll need more than this.  And then I'll start to spank you.

Just a light spank, to start with.  As I do this, I'll watch your face, I'll watch for the surprise to hit you.  Then I'll spank the other cheek, and watch again.  I'll continue to run my hands over your body, continue to tease you.  I'll take your blouse and bra off, and have you stand with you hands on the coffee table, looking out over the city.  And I'll stand behind you, reaching around to play with your breasts.

One hand will be playing with a nipple, and the other one will start spanking you.  Not hard, just enough to let you know what's happening.  Then I'll stop spanking you, and continue teasing your breasts.  You know what will happen then, don't you angel.  Your ass will start to tingle.  I know you - it will start to tingle, and you will want more spanking.  I'll keep teasing you, and wait for you to ask for more spanking. 

Maybe I'll spank you as soon as you ask.  Maybe I'll make you beg for it.  It depends on my mood, and how good a girl you've been all evening.  If you've been saucy, teasing me and hassling me, like you usually do, then I'll make you beg.  If you've been a good sub, then maybe I'll immediately start spanking you more.

And as I spank you, I'll have you count the strokes.  How high will I go?  Will you get 20 strokes?  30?  Or will I go all the way to 50?  Do you think you could take 50 strokes on your ass, angel?  Could you stand still and let me spank you 50 times with my hand?  Or would you ask me to stop before then?  Would you use a safeword to get me to stop, or would you just beg me to stop? 

Ah, angel, I do miss spending time with you.  Life has conspired against us for a little while now, but it will settle down.  And when it does, I want to spend an entire weekend exploring that lovely, responsive body of yours. 

I'm looking forward to it, angel.

Neko

Monday, July 19, 2004

dreams and floggers

Dear angel,

I close my eyes at night, and dream of you.  Dreams sprinkled with giggles, moans, and the soft thud of leather on skin.

You sit at my feet, looking down.  Your eyes are closed as you listen to my voice.  I'm giving you instructions, and for some reason, I'm very excited by what's about to happen.  My words, surprisingly, are indistinct.  But your reaction is clear.  You start to giggle, and look up at me in disbelief.

I notice that your hands are bound behind your back.  I see that the soft cotton rope is tight around your wrists, and that you have very little ability to move them.  Your elbows are tied to your waist, and there is rope between your breasts, and crossing your shoulders.  You look like a pretty package, ready to be unwrapped and played with, but there is still the matter of your lesson.

I speak harshly to you, and your laughter quiets, and your gaze drops to my crotch.  I look down, and I can see my hard cock inches from your open mouth.  Already, your tounge darts out to lick your lips in anticipation.  I move closer to you, and you try to move forward but seem to be stopped by something.

Your ankles are bound together, and there is a rope running from them to your wrists.  I can see your naked ass, and the end of an anal plug emerging from your sphincter.  I order you to begin, and you take me in your mouth.

Oh darling, you so love to suck my cock, don't you?  You love to feel the hard length of it in your mouth, love the taste, and the smell.  I can feel your tongue on the shaft of my cock, as you tease the underside from tip to base.  Then your head pulls back, and I feel the flat of your tongue trace the same path in reverse.  Three or four times, you repeat this, then you stop to hold just the head in your mouth, as the tip of your tongue flicks at the slit of my penis.  God, it feels wonderful.

You begin to move your head back and forth again, sucking hard as you take me into your mouth.  I love the feeling of compression I get when you do that, and I know how proud you are to have learned to please me that way.  Again you stop to tease the tip of my penis.  You glance up at me while you are teasing, and I'm taken by how much you are getting out of this.

Then you start to giggle.

It's only a quick one, followed by a return to moving your head back and forth.  I'm puzzled by the giggle, but I'm also annoyed.  You're not doing as you were told.  You're not following instructions.  So, I raise the flogger, and swing it towards you.  I hear the thud of the leather against your skin.  I feel your surprise and gasp, as the sensation washes over you.  Once, twice, three times, I strike you,  each time just as you are about to take my cock into your mouth.

You pause and look up at me, and I look back, sternly.

"Do it right," I say, "Do it like I told you to"

You nod, never letting my cock escape your lips.  You return to your task, and I can now feel a vibration accompany the sensation of your tongue and lips.  Sensation washes through me, and I close my eyes, to concentrate on it.  Back and forth goes your head.  I reach down, and take the hair on the back of your head in my fist.  I can hear you moaning a little now, and open my eyes to see you start to squirm a little bit.  You can't move your legs apart, because I've tied the knees together.  In and out, tongue and lips, and that wonderful vibration.

Then you giggle again.

I'm faster with the flogger this time.  Once, twice, thrice, across your naked ass.  Faster and harder.  I feel you gasp, and moan a little.  Again, I hit you three times with the flogger, and I can see the redness begin to rise in your skin after I pause.  You're moaning more now, but still pumping your head back and forth on my cock.  As I punish you a third time for not following instructions, I see you collect yourself, and refocus on your task. 

Once again, that wonderful vibration begins, and I realize that you are humming a tune as you suck my cock.  I watch your face as you close your eyes, and focus on the sensation in my penis as I come closer to orgasm.  I look down at you, bound and aroused by me, and totally happy to be so, and I take your hair in my hand again.  As I come closer to orgasm, I begin to control the pace, forcing your head onto my cock instead of letting you push forward.  My hips begin to grind my cock into your mouth, and I can feel the head of my penis on the back of your throat.  An orgasm begins to come, rising from my feet, and I push your head faster and faster.  And all along, that wonderful humming continues.

Just before I start to come, I hear another giggle, but I'm too close, and I cum, filling your mouth with my seed.  You moan, and begin to swallow, sucking and licking all you can get from my cock.  I hold your head against me, feel the pulsing of my cock slow, and let go of your hair.  You suck the last bit of cum from my cock, and begin to kiss and lick the shaft of my penis.

I look down at you, as I recover from the orgasm, and I'm very pleased with you, but puzzled.

"Why did you giggle, angel?  Why couldn't you do it like I told you to?"  I ask you.  I'm surprised to find that I'm not disappointed with you for your actions.

Your eyes light up and you smile.  Then, with another giggle, you answer me, "Sir, I'm sorry.  I really, really tried, but I can't do it without giggling."

"But why not, angel?", I ask in confusion.

"Because I always giggle when I think of the 'Itsy Bitsy Spider', sir."

Little angel, it has been far to long since I've seen you.  I'm very much looking forward to being with you soon, and explaining to you the error of your ways.

Take care of yourself,

Neko


Monday, July 12, 2004

denial and labels

Dear angel,

I'm so happy that I've found you. But I have to confess something to you. I have to admit a terrible fact about myself. I am not a Dom. Well, I don't think of myself that way, anyways.

You see, whenever I think of "A Dom", I get a picture in my head of someone wearing leather, carrying handcuffs, and swinging a whip or a paddle. Someone that doesn't relate to his partners, and has strict, arbitrary rules for them, which he enforces with glee. A man much more interested in taking pleasure from his partner, than in the giving of pleasure. And I don't think that's anything like me at all.

It's funny, because most of the dominant men that I've met in this lifestyle aren't like that. But that's the image that persists in my head whenever the word Dom arises in conversation. And that makes me think about my own preconceived notions about Dominants, submissives, and other kinky folks. What are these notions, and where do they come from? And more importantly, how can I work on them to ensure that I treat people as individuals, and not stereotypes?

To clarify my self image: When I think of myself, I picture a kinky, average looking man, who likes to tease and control willing women. I think of myself as curious, and always looking for new experiences to share with you. I have read a great deal of material on BDSM, and tried many different things over the decades. But I've never really thought of myself as a Dom.

Interestingly, I don't think of you as a "sub". You're my girl, my kinky, submissive girlfriend, my partner, and my equal. Yes, I know, many others who read this may be surprised that I think this way, but you are my equal in this relationship. (Gads - I said a chick word - "relationship"! They're going to take away my union card if I keep this up. ) I want an equal partner. It makes your submission sweeter if I respect you. It makes it more delicious for both of us, I think. And after all, if I didn't respect you, then why would I want to be with you?

Human relations are complicated, and frequently muddled by the opinions or rules of others. I make a conscious effort to define myself by what I do and don't do, what I will and won't accept of myself. It's a very self contained philosophy, and not easy to maintain. There are always people who will tell you what you are supposed to do, what you should call yourself, and what you do that is outside of their definition of you. I've never been comfortable being labelled. I'm Neko, just me. You're my angel, and I cherish every hour I spend with you, no matter what we're doing. And that's what makes this so wonderful for me.

I am your Neko, the one who wants to take you every time he sees you. The one who wants to make you cry out in your bedroom, alternating between begging for more, and fearing for it. The one who loves to play with rope, and leather, and cold metal chain. I'm the man who wants to hold you and cuddle with you, and tease you when we're out together. The man who wants to protect you, and comfort you, and make you crazy with desire.

You're my angel, the woman who wants to please me, who wants to spend time with me. You're the woman who I want to please. The woman that wants me to touch her, softly and gently sometimes, and other ways at other times. The woman who wants me to hold her, and to hold her down. A woman who wants me to take my pleasure from her, and rejoices in the pleasure that I give to her.

We walk together, each leaning on the other. And I thank you for every moment that you spend in my life, angel.

Neko

Thursday, July 08, 2004

frustration

Dearest angel,

It can be sweet torture to wait. Waiting is an important skill to learn, don't you think? We wait for things every day. We wait for the light to change. We wait for a phone call. We wait for an email. We wait for a lover's touch.

You were so sweet the other night. Your skin is so soft, and you are so sensitive to my gentle touches. It was immensely gratifying to explore your body, and hear the things you were saying. Such naughty words, dear angel. I didn't think that you knew what those words meant, until you said that. And watching your face change when I chuckled at you was delicious.

Did you know that your expression changed? You're such a sweet, shy girl most of the time we're together, but that night, as I sat above you, holding you down, you were a totally different person. You squirmed as my mouth tasted your breasts. You moaned as I suckled on your nipples. And you writhed, and begged as I watched, totally focussed on what I was doing, totally focussed on what would make me keep doing it.

Did I surprise you with the collar when I came in? You were so shy when I told you to take it from my pocket. We were going out later, and I know you felt the fear that I'd tell you to wear it out to dinner. What would the other guests think? What would the waiter think? Or the taxi driver? Does the idea of being collared in public make you squirm? The idea that you're bound, and submitting to my will, and no one around you knows, make you flush, and breathe heavily? Does the fact that Vikki McKay and others are reading this make your heart pound? It was so nice of Vikki to link our letters, don't you think? Should I send her a thank you? Or should I make YOU thank her?

You tried to put the collar on yourself, but couldn't quite manage it. When I left that night, leaving the collar hanging on the post of your bed to remind you, did you try it on when you were alone? Did you try to practice putting it on yourself? Did you wear my collar and remember what it felt like to be taken and possessed by me? I know you wanted to. I know that you sat and stared at it, remembering the feel of the leather around your neck, the weight of the ring against your collarbone. You looked at it, and you remembered it, and you bit your lip with wanting.

When we were sitting at dinner, I asked you to talk about your business with me. I really want to know about you, angel. I want to know about the whole angel, not just my submissive girl. So, I let you talk, and you showed me how good you were at your profession. I asked you questions about strategy, about marketing. You were an excellent teacher, and I was impressed with your confidence, and your competence. You talked, and I listened, and you showed a totally different side of yourself.

And then, when I decided that you'd taught me enough for one evening, I just looked at you. And that shy, sweet angel came back. And you blushed, and squirmed, and started looking at your food, as I watched you. You leaned up against me in the taxi, feeling safe and cared for. And in the elevator, on the way to your apartment, when I pushed you up against the mirror, and kissed you, you moaned low in your throat, and I chuckled, knowing what you wanted, knowing how badly you needed me to touch you, and knowing that you'd be frustrated but happy by the time I left that night.

Time will come, soon enough, little one. The time will come when you will get all you were asking for. You'll get all those nasty, rude things that you were begging me for. In fact, you may get more than you were asking for. I have such a creative imagination when it comes to you.

I'm looking forward to then, my angel.

Neko

Monday, July 05, 2004

expectations and reality

My dear angel,

The dynamics of a relationship that includes domination and submission are often both simpler and more complex than the so-called "normal" relationship.

On the one hand, the roles taken by each participant require certain mindsets to be adopted. For the dominant partner, a great deal of thought, effort, and observation is required. He has to pay attention to his partner's actions, her reactions, and her emotions. He has to think of creative ways to punish AND reward his girl. It can take a great deal of effort to maintain control at all times, without overstepping the boundaries of the relationship and falling into abusive or hurtful patterns. And he must make his girl feel secure and safe in her place. This can be harder than it seems.

The submissive has to be able to trust her partner to tell her what she must do. She must trust him to be honest and open with her about his feelings of pride, disappointment, or displeasure with her. She must understand where she has succeeded in pleasing him, and where she has failed him - and how to correct this. She must feel that her submission is treasured, and that she is cherished, or the relationship will not work over the long term. After all, we're all human, aren't we?

This communication, this trust, takes time to develop. It takes time for each partner to learn where they stand, to learn what works, and what doesn't. There will be mistakes. There will be disappointments, in ourselves, and in each other. But for the relationship to work, we must be forgiving. Forgiving of each other, for not knowing, or for making mistakes. And forgiving of ourselves, for not living up to our ideas of what we should be able to do, or for not being able to say what we need at a particular point in time.

Relationships that include BDSM elements in them can be very intimate. There is a possibility of forging a connection that goes beyond the surface, and down to the bones. These connections make us stronger, make us more confident in the outside world. A strong connection like this can make us more willing to take risks in other areas of our lives. But there is a commensurate risk of hurting each other. Because we are dealing with such fundamental, raw parts of ourselves, we can accidentally, or through ignorance, cause severe emotional damage. The only way to avoid that is to communicate our feelings to each other.

I cherish you. That means that I cherish all of you. From the tip of your nose, to the balls of your feet. From your fears, to your pet peeves, to your joys, and to your strengths. Maybe I'm being foolish, but I try to look at the whole person, and accept them as they are. I accept both the good and bad of each person in my life - and I do my best to be worthy of the friendship offered to me. I promise to do my best to be an honourable, and honest man, so that I deserve your trust and companionship.

When you have pleased me, I will tell you. When you have disappointed me, I will tell you. When you deserve reward, I will be lavish. When you need punishment, I will be compassionate - but firm. But in return, I ask that you trust me enough to tell me when I make a mistake.

In contrast, many "normal" relationships can be fraught with frustration for one or both partners. Frequently, there is no frank discussion of expectations or roles or acceptable behaviour. There is no acknowledgement of needs on either side. In fact, there can frequently be miscommunications on the subject of what is needed or wanted by one of the partners. The sad thing is that this is entirely avoidable.

There is often a great deal of should used in communications about sex. "I shouldn't like this, but ..." "She should find a partner that does..." or "Sex should be like...". This, of course, is the way to disappointment. For many people, I think that the idea of sex is bounded by rules, expectations, and shame. People frequently get it into their heads that certain things are dirty, or not acceptable, because other people have told them so.

But this ignores the fact that people are individuals. People have their own personalities, made up - in part - of the sum of their experiences. Every one of us has different needs, different expectations, and different desires. So how do we judge what is "right" and what is "wrong".

Some people put their faith in a religion. They let someone else do the thinking for them, and tell them what is right or wrong. Some people remove all barriers, and accept that anything goes. Both of these positions strike me as lazy. On the one hand, you let others tell you, so you don't have to decide for yourself. On the other hand, you don't disapprove of anything, so you don't have to make any decisions. I think that the true path is somewhere in the middle.

If I am not causing harm to another, then I'm not doing something wrong. If my actions help someone feel secure, strong, and cherished, then how can they be wrong? If my actions help someone grow in themselves, become more independent, and more accepting of their faults while still wanting to correct them, then how can I be doing wrong? If you wish to let someone else take control of your actions, of your sensations, and they don't abuse abuse that control, then it's not wrong.

It comes down to trust and communications - you can't have one without the other. I trust you to let me know your limits, to let me know when something isn't working. You trust me to tell you what to do, to respect your limits, and to push you to do things within those limits. We've got a very good start, darling. We've got a good foundation to work on, and I intend to continue to improve on it. I trust you to work on improving it as well. I know you want to, and I know you will.

You are a darling and wonderful girl, and I am very happy to have you in my life.

Neko

Sunday, July 04, 2004

seduction

Good morning, my angel.

You were so sweet, so shy the other night. Your eyes betrayed you, though.

The movie was okay. We both had things to say about different parts. We liked it, but we saw flaws. Like so many other things. And on the way home, you ranted about it. It was so cute. You were up on a soapbox, telling me what you didn't like about it, and I watched you, amused, and impressed, by your passion. Was this nervousness? Were you worried about what was coming?

We walked home to your apartment from the theater, and you held my hand, and listened to me, and talked to me. I teased you, gently, with my words. I kissed you hungrily when you apologized to me for ranting. I was ready to take you, and you were ready to be taken. I could feel the hunger in your touch, in the way you held me when I kissed you.

Then we were at your apartment. Your breathing quickened, catching in your throat. I watched your pulse race as I touched your face, gently stroking my fingers across your skin. Your eyes closed, and you let the feeling wash over you. I kissed you, and felt you struggle against your feelings.

"I don't think I'm ready for this", you told me.

"Ready for what, angel? Sex, or ..." I paused, letting your imagination fill in the details.

You bit your lip before answering. "I don't think I'm ready for sex. I'm sorry."

"That's okay, angel. I can wait. I want you to be sure, I want you to be ready, and I want you to enjoy it." I told you. I was serene. I knew you wanted me. I knew you wanted all that I could offer. The gentle touch, the kisses, and everything else I'd been talking to you about on the phone for the past while. I could wait until you were ready. I could wait till you were sure.

But you didn't want to wait. You were disappointed in yourself. So I stayed, and we cuddled and kissed, and talked. And all the while, I kept touching you - here, there, under there. As we cuddled and talked, you relaxed. You started touching me back. Touching my chest, touching my face. Touching my leg. When you touched my thigh, I knew you were ready.

"Angel" I said to you. You turned to face me. "Would you like to touch me? Would you like to feel my cock in your hand?" Instantly, your eyes dropped. You pressed your face against my shoulder.

"Yes", you replied, in a small voice.

"Say please, angel", I told you, chiding you gently for not asking properly.

"Yes please, sir" you replied, again in a small voice.

I took your hand, and placed it on my hardening cock. You stroked it through the material of my jeans, and I could hear the breath catch in your throat.

"Oh, it feels so hard", you told me, stroking the member gently. I could feel your fingers probing gently, pushing against the cock.

"It's not hard yet - it's only three quarters hard" I told you, stroking your neck. Quickly your eyes looked at mine, and I nodded, confirming what I'd said. You looked down again, shy or ashamed. I was delighted. I lifted your chin, and kissed you possessively on your mouth. "And it's hard because of you", I told you. At that point, the look in your eyes told me you were approaching the point of no return.

You gasped when I gently stroked your breasts. My fingers traced patterns on your skin, so lightly, but I could see the effect they were having. I could see your eyes close, through your hair. You hid behind your hair, but I could see you give up control to me. A thrill ran through me.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you angel?" I asked, growling your name a little bit. You hesitated, as your hand stroked my now fully hard cock. Then you gave a quick nod, like you were either ashamed of enjoying my attentions, or ashamed of what else you wanted me to do to you.

"It makes you feel all wet and squirmy, doesn't it, angel", I asked you. You nodded again, and buried your face in my shoulder. But your hand kept stroking my cock, and your legs were tightly closed together. You looked like a woman trying to keep control of herself, afraid of embarassing yourself. I gently stroked your nipple, through the material of your shirt.

"Open your legs for me, angel" I told you. You looked into my eyes, pleading silently for me to not make you do this. Pleading with me to keep making you do this. Caught in the contradiction, naked lust burning there along side shame. "Open your legs, now, angel" I repeated, pointedly looking at them.

Hesitantly, slowly, you spread your legs apart. Reluctantly, you opened yourself to me, opened your most private self to me. My hand reached down, and your eyes followed, as I stroked the inside of your thigh, from knee to crotch. Your eyes closed again, as I pushed my fingers against your pussy, through your pants. I could feel the heat there. I was sure that you were soaked. And still, you held my cock in your hand, like a woman in a dream. Up and down, you stroked. Squeezing the shaft, gently. Tracing the head of it through my pants.

"Would you like to feel it in your hand, angel? Would you like to feel its heat, its hardness?", I asked you. And with my words, I pushed against your pussy, hard.

Gasping, you answered me. "Oh yes"

"Ask me nicely, angel", I told you.

"Yes, sir. May I please hold your cock in my hands, sir?"

"Good girl" I answered you, and you shuddered a little in pleasure. There was a glow to your face now. You were giving in to your lust, giving in to the attraction you felt, the first time I walked in to the coffee shop to meet you. I had taken control, and you revelled in it. You closed your legs and whimpered a little as I undid my pants and took out my now hard cock.

"Open those legs, angel" I commanded you. You spread them again, whimpering, and reached for my cock, wrapping your hand around it. I could feel the cool of your fingers against its heat, felt your hesitation. I reached down, and wrapped my hand around yours, squeezing your hand around it firmly. You took the hint, and your grip grew firmer.

You were mine.

Neko

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

What a Wonderful Evening

Dear angel,

What a wonderful evening we had.

The weather was lovely, just warm enough for a walk along the main street. I remember, clearly, holding your hand in mine. Such lovely warm skin, such a natural feeling to hold it in mine. If I close my eyes, I can see your smile, with your eyes lighting up, as I tell you how pleased I am to finally meet you in person.

You have a wonderful smile, or should I say, wonderful smiles. Because, of course, you have different smiles for different occasions. The surprised smile when I compliment you, the shocked smile when I tell you something naughty, the shy smile when I pulled you close and kissed you for the first time.

What a wonderful kiss that was, too. You, a little hesitant as my lips meet yours. Then eager, and hungry for more. Oh - that was a kiss full of promises. Did you know that you look up at me with pleading in your eyes when I break off a kiss? Your eyes gleam, and I can see the fire behind them, wanting more, wanting it now - but still nervous.

I love talking to you, too. As we walked, we talked about anything and everything that came into our heads. Movies, the contents of the stores as we passed, business ideas, news. And every once in a while, I'd drop a comment about sex into the conversation, just to see you get flustered, and lose your train of thought. It's adorable!

Your skin was softer than I thought it would be. Much softer, and very sensitive. I thought you were going to get lost in yourself when I started tickling your upper arm as we sat on the bench. So you didn't know how a soft touch on that spot would affect you, hmmm? I'm sure that there are other spots that are similarly sensitive. I look forward to seeking them out, and seeing what kind of an effect they will have on you. I can't wait to start touching you, your neck, your waist, your arms, your back, and your legs. I want to find every spot on your body that thrills you. Every spot that makes you squirm with delight.

Oh yes, angel, I plan on finding every possible spot to delight you. A woman's body is a magical thing to touch. Every different touch brings a different reaction. A light touch just *there* will make you incapable of speech as I stroke. A firmer touch *here* will make you gasp, and have you trying to get closer as you simultaneously try to get away. A sharp touch *there* will bring a heat to you that will make you squirm and moan. Many different touches, many different places. And I plan on finding them all.

Holding you close in the bookstore, near closing time, I told you to feel my ass. Hesitantly, you touched it. "No, *feel* my ass, angel" I told you, and you let go your hesitation. Was that hesitation because of the public venue? Was it because it was our first date? Was it because you misunderstood, or were shy? I could see you try to throw those off, and felt you touching me, firmly, biting your lower lip. Yes, I was watching your face as you squeezed my ass, angel.

Then, before we left, I pulled you back to me, grinding my hips lightly against your ass, as I held your hips. You gasped as your realized what I was doing, and I chuckled in your ear. Oh yes, you have lovely hips to hold, and I can only imagine what it would be like to take you from behind. You will be *so* responsive, won't you? Grinding your hips as I thrust into you from behind. Moaning and panting as I play with your breasts, your pussy. Gasping in shock as I spank those wonderful buttocks of yours.

As the evening wore on, I was sure that you were enjoying yourself. You fit so wonderfully into my arms. You looked up at me, eagerly, as I kissed you beside the store fronts. Your left hand was deliciously trapped in my right, and held behind you. Did you see yourself bound and helpless before me right then? Did you wish that we were alone, and naked, right then?

And as the evening wore to a close, and we walked back to your apartment, I kissed you, hard, and deep, and when I broke the kiss to look at you, you gently whispered "Please". Oh, dearest angel, how lucky I was to find you. How serendipitous was it that you read my email at just the right time. I look forward to spending many, *many* hours, pleasing you, and taking pleasure from you in the days ahead of us. I want to taste you - all of you. I want to see you in the throes of ecstasy. I want to touch you everywhere, often. I want to smell the scent of your hair, and the nape of your neck. And I want to hear you moaning, crying out, and laughing.

I fell asleep smiling, thinking of you last night, and I woke up restless, wanting you near, and anxious for the rest of the week to pass so that I can see you again. You've awoken a hunger in me, dearest angel, a hunger to please, and to be pleased. That is a hunger that I must sate, and a hunger I must control. For I must remain in control. For now.

You are a remarkable woman, and I feel blessed to have met you.

Till we see each other again,

Neko

Saturday, June 26, 2004

A Pleasant Fantasy

Good morning, my angel.

You were so beautiful this morning, sleeping peacefully after our long night, that I hesitated to wake you. Your face is so relaxed when you sleep, and you had a little smile on your face as I watched you. But I had to get up.

I gently began running my finger across the skin of your arm. I smiled as I remembered how much you enjoyed that last night. Your arms were bound above your head, and your face was pressed against the bedroom door. I stood behind you, fully dressed, and began to run my finger across your shoulders. You gave a little shiver, and started to giggle. I kept this up for a while, before stroking the skin of your arms, concentrating on the insides of your elbows. Do you remember how you moaned as I did that? Do you remember getting wet, as I moved elsewhere, stroking the skin of your neck, of your legs, and behind your knees? Do you remember how aroused you were, squirming, and trying to push your hips back towards me as I played with your pussy - touching oh, so gently, almost indistinct, but maddening at the same time. We kept this up for quite a while, didn't we - you helpless and bound, and me, teasing and in control.

As I stroked your arm, your eyes opened to see me smiling down at you.

I kissed you and said "Good morning, my angel. Did you sleep well?" Seeing your eyes light up that way made me glad that I'd decided to stay the night. Our hug was strong, but not desperate. It was a hug of two very satisfied lovers, looking forward to the day, and very pleased with the previous night.

We got out of bed, and I enjoyed watching as you took your position at the bedside, to watch as I dressed. I sought out my clothes, having to search for where they'd landed the night before. When I was dressed, I came to sit on the bed, and you rested your head on my lap, sighing happily. As always, I asked you the ritual morning Questions.

"Do you hurt anywhere, angel?", I asked, while stroking your hair.

"No sir" you replied, after a moment's pause to take inventory.

"Are you ready for the day, angel", I asked.

"Yes Sir, I am ready to face the day"

"Do you know your tasks for the day, angel?"

"Yes Sir"

"Repeat them to me, then, angel"

"I am to make myself clean and ready for the day, Sir. I am to trim my pussy for you, Sir. I am to take care of the household duties, including walking the dog, while wearing my collar and the medium dildo. I am to do 20 minutes of Kiegel exercises twice today, and I am to be waiting on my knees by the front door when you arrive here tonight."

"Very good, angel. And are you happy with your tasks?"

"Oh, yes sir, very happy"

"Good girl. Now come give me a kiss, and you may start your day."

At that, I pulled your face to mine, and kissed you deeply, chasing your tongue with mine, probing deeply into your mouth. A little groan escaped your throat, and I chuckled, releasing you. You hurried to the kitchen, to make my tea, and I settled down at the computer to read my morning news.

Once you had brought me my tea, you waited patiently by the computer for me to notice you. I chuckled to myself, as I felt you waiting, while I finished reading an article. I waved for you to place my tea on the desk, and hooked a finger in your collar as you bent to put the cup down.

I pulled your head down, level with the desk, and held you there with one hand, as I explored your breasts and pussy with the other. You were trembling with desire by the time I finished with you, and as I released you, I turned you around, and swatted your bottom.

"Off you go, angel. Get yourself nice and clean for me, and do NOT play with yourself in the shower. You are NOT to cum this morning."

I returned to my reading, and you scampered off to clean yourself. By the time I was finished, you were drying your hair. I rose to come inspect you.

You had placed the collar and dildo on the bed, as required, and made yourself ready when I came in the room.

To Be Continued....

Neko

Friday, June 25, 2004

Anticipation

To my angel,

I can hardly wait till Monday.

I read your emails, and the anticipation grows.

I send you emails, and the anticipation grows.

I fall asleep, thinking about you.

And the anticipation grows.

It's been an interesting experience, to meet someone online with such siimilar interests, with such convergent fantasies. I've chatted with many women over the years. Women from LavaLife, from Yahoo Personals, and women from other, more specific websites. You're the first woman that I've felt this immediate connection with.

You don't just enjoy my fantasies, you enhance them, you tell my your fantasies in return, and you seem to quiver with eager anticipation. I thoroughly enjoy making you quiver. I thoroughly enjoy playing with your mind, sharing my fantasies with you, and trying to identify what fantasies interest you the most. The danger of this, of course, is that I may fail to live up to the expectations that I've set up for you. Expectations of what it will be like to play with me, to be with me, and to share time with me.

I don't think that the danger is great. From our chats, our emails, and our phone conversations, I think that we'll be able to have a lot of fun over the next while, at least.

Yes, I realize that this sounds suspicious. I've been burned too many times in the past by relationships that started with a bang (pun intended) and ended with recriminations. I try to take each day as it is, and find things to enjoy as they come.

I make no promises at this time for us. I cannot. Nor can you. We are two adults, who have found many, many layers of commonality between us. This is the beginning, and what happens, will happen. It may be good - for a long time. I'm hoping so.

However...

I do make promises of what I will do with you.

I promise that I will tease you.

I promise to do everything I can to learn what pleases you the most.

I promise to teach you ways to please me.

I promise to make you feel safe, and appreciated.

I promise to make you feel wicked and naughty.

I promise to share laughter, serious conversation, and opinions with you, without reservation, without posing or falsehood. I will only be me, not who I think you want me to be.

I will write you naughty, wicked, erotic stories, designed to inflame and excite you.

I will explore your sexuality, as I explore mine, and together we will find a wonderful place where we can try things that we are ashamed to think about.

You will be my angel, and I will bind you, and take you, and make you beg, and make you scream.

I will do things to you that you never realized would excite you. I will watch you squirm, excited and embarrassed. I will bring you to the brink of orgasm, only to halt, and let you recover.

You will beg me to touch you,
you will try to get away from my touch,
you will plead for my touch.

I promise you new experiences, in and out of the bedroom. In public, secretly. At night, with the fear being caught. In a darkened theater. In a resturaunt. At a coffee shop. I will tell you things that will excite you. I will do things to excite you. I will make you think about things that will excite you. And I will calmly sit with you, and watch you squirm, and bite your lip, and look at me pleadingly.

I do not do these things only for myself. I do not want to do this merely for the joy of doing them. I do them because you want them too, because you enjoy our little games as much as I do,if not more. I want to find the depths behind your smile, behind your shyness, and make you feel like the exciting, sexual woman that you are..

It won't be perfect. I will have days where I don't want to play, where I just want to talk, or be alone. I am a man, full of all the things that implies. And you won't always be as eager as you are right now, you'll have days where you don't want to be played with, where you just want to be held, cuddled, and listened to. You are a woman, full of all the things that implies. But I'll be as patient as I can.

Neko